4 days in, and I'm already crushing 2013.
No doubt this will be my most successful year yet, because I'm not assuming from the jump that I will fail. In other words, no resolutions.
That shit's over.
I am a go getter-goal setter from waaaay back, boy. Starting in 2000 with the classic "I need to lose weight", I quit smoking, started counting Weight Watchers points, and learned how to run. By 2005 I had lost 50 lbs since high school and completed the NYC marathon.
Surprisingly, running 26 miles did not make me happy. Must be my career's fault! Time to laser focus on my job. After a year as an assistant in Comedy Central 's branding department, I was determined to write and produce at least one promo. I ordered cupcakes for department birthdays by day, and wrote scripts for "South Park" episodics at night. By 2007, I was a full-fledged writer/producer on the best in-house TV branding team there ever was or shall be. Another box ticked qualifying me as a successful, happy adult...
...Which was weird, because I wasn't.
My overall health and fitness level improved when I lost weight, good news. And I was psyched I found a way to pay the bills with a job that didn't make me want to kill myself...even better! Super useful stuff as you move from your 20s into your 30s; when it's time to become a functioning adult.
But at 36, I don't want to just function anymore, I want to thrive and contribute. That involves big decisions and risk taking in every single area of my life. In fact, there are no more separate areas to be partitioned based on clearly defined, very narrow goals; it's just my life. That's it. This is all there is.
And so help me freaking God, if I spend one more year boiling it all down to whether or not I gained or lost three pounds, I'm going to do a cannonball off the Brooklyn Bridge.
This new thinking started in 2008, when my best friendand I began giving tag lines to each New Year; a mission statement to live under for the next 365 days. We kicked it off with "Great in 2008!' after a particularly uninspiring few years. Then we lowered our expectations a tad with "Just Fine in 2009" after life got very real with a few sad and scary turns of events. We got brave again for "When? 2010!!". I decided to quit my job, ditch my apartment and New York City to travel in the South Pacific for a year. We kept the party going for 2011, with "2011: Double the one, double the fun!", as I continued to travel in between gigs back in NYC. And last year, under "2012, Treat yo' selve'!" I finally made a comfy, new home for myself in Brooklyn.
This year's new tagline is "2013: Rage Against the Machine". I refuse to beat myself up on the last day of every year until I am no longer on this planet. Instead, I will officially believe that I am totally sufficient the way I am right now. I will trust that I'm a grown-ass woman who knows how to take care of herself and navigate the world and doesn't need hard and fast rules to keep me in line. Instead of goal setting, I am VALUE setting; knowing that if I actively remember what is most important in my life and act accordingly, the rest will fall into place.
I will be brave and follow my epic values quest where ever it may take me. And if while questing, I gain 10 lbs...
So wot?! Who cayz?!
This is happening right now.
I love these photos. If I stare at them for longer than a few seconds, my eyes get all wide and they start to burn from tearing up.
My parents are still with me, thank god. It's just intense for me to think about them as young people who had no idea what was going to happen. There was a time that my Mom and Dad didn't know each other. Then my mom saw my dad playing at a jazz club in Georgetown. They went out and made jokes and shared dreams and got married. (I guess, right? That's the order of operations?) They were regular people who felt lost sometimes and sucked at stuff. They shared great joy and great pain together- and after many years, went their separate ways to build new lives. In between all of that they managed to squeeze 6 children into their schedules.
These photos were both taken before I was born. There was a time before they knew me-any of the jokes I would make or dreams I would have. Even now, we can really only share so much because of the parent-kid divide. Maybe that's why they had a thousand children? Perhaps some little voice told them this little girl will need a small theater ensemble in the living room to perform all the plays and newscasts she will write and produce. When I got to medium size, depressed and lonely in high school, my only friends were the ones at home. And when I got big, they became best friends, willing to visit me in Australia during my quarter life crisis.
Or maybe every time approached a new fork in the woods they were like, "fuck it... I don't know. Let's do.. this. I guess?"
Either way... it's comforting to know that a life that has worked out so perfectly for me, was designed by two people without a blueprint.
Andrew has finally gotten it together to visit the new place in Brooklyn. He has lots of constructive feedback like, "You need more s--t on the walls! Why is this over here? You need another chair!"
In return for this criticism, I wake him up every morning with a song and dance number. Today it was, "I Can See Clearly Now" at the top of my lungs. I'm sure my neighbors enjoy it as much as Andrew does.
A real meeting of the minds.
New Life. New Design. New Blog.